Last 11:11 of august.

August was a good month nonetheless. Have to stop wallowing in self-pity in september. Gotta learn to stop complaining and start acting. Yes I can do this.

Tears.

I hate that feeling when you randomly feel depressed. There is no warning, no apparent reason. It just happens. You feel empty, and you feel hopeless. And you just feel tired. As if you never want to move again. Then when someone asks you what's wrong, you can't say because there is nothing that comes to mind.

Happily ever afters? I'm sorry they don't happen. Maybe with love, maybe in fairytales, but not in my life. August came to an end today, and it definitely did not end with a happily ever after. Nothing is bugging me, it's just that overwhelming sadness that eats away every possible part of your sane soul and leaves you there, empty. Wait, no. Maybe everything is wrong. Reality is knocking on your door, forcing you to wake up from this dream, forcefully making you accept the fact that NOTHING is going right. Yes, that's whats' wrong- everything.

It hurts so much I can literally feel my inner soul crumbling. I've had enough of this tedious cycle of being sad, but still forcing laughters and faking smiles. It's so tiring you know, to have even the most optimistic cell in your body acknowledging that nothing can go right anymroe.

Maybe I'm too tired of trying, maybe I'm too screwed to turn things around, or maybe I've reached my limit.

Love.

Went out with the netballs babes today! Some couldn't make it...

Like celeste who had to stay home to babysit her P5 brother like da fuq??

Haha right so we went ice skating at KLP.

Rachel couldn't skate so she held on to the railings. Then me and yuri went to help me so we were holding her on each side and she was about to fall so I supported her and she kinda resisted so I fell and she fell on me so we just laid on the floor hahahaha epic shit. Omg and Jaclyn that girl fell 7 times and on the mrt she was like "Omg must tell Gigi cause her favourite number is 7!" Haha jokerbabe.

Then we went to burger king for lunch onion rings yumz.

After lunch we went to the bowling alley but we had to wait 1 hour so we just sat around and idled hee:)

Oh then we took instax and everyone wanted one so we took 7. And we had this auntie help us take. Damn paiseh cause she press, then wait for it to come out, then take, then wait for it to come out x7 times lah hahaha.

HELLO HELLO WHO'S A PRO!!!?

Ok actually that was pure luck lah I can't bowl for nuts.

Haha me and Rachel taking polaroids.

Awesome day!!
Have to stay at home to complete my home ecs shizz tomorrow wah damn annoying.

Omg i love my dad hahahahaha.

Laugh now.

HAHAHAHAHA SO CUTE RIGHT!!!

Hello hello I'm obsessing over Froot Loops and marshmallow pebbles and I just bought 70 bucks worth of junk food am I cool or cool.

Oh yeah I napped for like 5 hours hahaha wtf.

Stupid shannon lah! Make me wake up at 630 on a saturday to watch the sunrise. Then by the time we washed up and all the whole place bright already and we couldn't fall back to sleep. The things I do............ Haha but I love the weather singapore should totally have a whole season that's this weather constantly. But then again I'll just fall asleep more easily. Haha eoys in 6 weeks wah......

SHANNON IS AWESOME MUAAAAAK.

Haha impromtu sleepover with Shannon the awesome last night. We were supposed to just eat dinner together but we ended up sleeping over hahaha<3

Met her at thomson plaza and went to Little Part 1 to eat dinner! We had crepe and mudpie and we were broke. Crepe for 18 bucks hohoho, but it was damn nice!

"Ok, I'm satisfied with my dinner." after one mouth.

-P/s: I'm blogging while she's camwhoring with my phone now haha we're lazing on her bed-

Quality crepe the mozzarella was soooooooooo good.

Mudpie which was moderate only. But towards the middle there was melted chocolate whoooo.

Haha then we went to thomson plaza and stared at brinjals and sweet potatoes hahaha and we bought prawn crackers gummies and walked home haha.

Haha this was like at 1130

Whoo rapunzel @ 12

Class pet.

Meet the 39th member of our class.

Fragments of memories.

Took this after class today.

Last period was english and everyone was dead until the last 5 minutes. We were counting down til the end of school and suddenly everyone was screaming and Sarah Thongz started singing Friday lol spoiler. Haha but we all sang Friday really loudly in the end and went super high. Then we had Nicole help us take instax cause Micaela's leaving for Europe tomorrow:'( Haha we took 3 cause I had only 3 films left. Gave the other 2 to the rest. When I was scanning that I stumbled upon old photo albums with so much memories inside. Omg I looked like a boy when I was young dayum.

10 months (and looking like a boy) in aussie<3

I miss that place so much omg!!

Guiz can you please watch this and cry. It's so sad. Best 15 mins of my life.

Hello! I had fun in school today yay:)

Haha cause Jade didn't come, Claudia went to sit with Celeste and I changed place with Shannon to sit with Alison! We had so much fun sitting together hahaha. I used to be sitting with her but we talked to much so mls changed our places. Oh wellz. Haha so we started talking and she started touching me and we started flirting hahahaha. Right then during english, we were laughing at our teacher's horrible fashion sense. She wore this red stripey top with this dutch-looking beige skirt and rose dangling earrings. No she is not skinny. Haha then halfway I could see her bra strap and we started laughing. So that girl alison texted ryan and my mom "My teacher bra can se seen so gross" and my mom replied "Haha, give her double side tape" SO CUTE RIGHT<3 Haha then she texted other people like darren l darryl s and derek using my phone and I texted edward and javier using hers haha. I kept sliding her phone very roughly and she scolded me :( Haha during recess alison was trying to drink chin chow without drinking the jelly. Haha then me and sara were like helping her turn the cup so she could just the syrup and meredith celeste and claudia were like giving the wtf face. We went to walk around the school during math and malay haha. Ok fine we hid in the toilet. Err not really hide but took very long to tie our hair. Haha art was fun! We designed high-fasion logos and had to draw the products too. Yep then school ended on a good note :)

Training was hardcore. The 6 rounds were a total killer. Made it back by 17:40, like improvement of 12 seconds even though it was MUCH MUCH more tiring? Then before we can even recuperate from the shock and heat and tire we had to do killer drills.

Wah then we did courtwork and I was the 1st group to do. So my face was like damn black lah cause it was hot and was tired and i wanted to die like no kid and everyone asked the same question... "You very stressed ah?"

-facepalm-

Haha no I wasn't stressed I was tired and dying in the heat!!! I sweat(ed???) so much my whole shirt was wet and my bib was like wet and rachel was like "Omg yumin your bib like just wash eh!" Sorry I have a thing against heat ok!!!? Haha played 3 quaters in a row and my shots were super inconsistent cannot stand it. Out of 10 only like 3 went in nicely the rest touched the rim and went in ughhhhhh. Haha then after courtwork we played game and I played GK cause I didn't wanna shoot. But the next round I played GS followed by GA. Last quater not bad. Haha. Then we did abs work and ended off. Lucky no suicides if not really can suicide.

OMG I TOPPED UP MY CARD WITH $50 BUCKS CAUSE I WAS FEELING RICH HAHAHAHA. NORMALLY I TOP UP WITH $5 AND I ALWAYS NEED TO TOP UP AGAIN BUT NO NOT NOW!!!

Kthxbai.

-tumblr

Omg ikr?? Not especially when they call you cute.

Spent my morning doing this hahaha so cute right!

Hello hello. Didn't go to school today:) Had sore throat and flu and since today was a slack tuesday I didn't go. Haha right so my very nice friends decided to be nice and hack my twitter. Aww<3

My lazy sunday afternoon.

OMG WATCH THIS YOU WON'T REGRET I PROMISE

http://supercalifragilism.tumblr.com/post/9166827215/dancingcandee-getxjeffreakon-danihuse

I had so much fun with my babes today omg I love them so freaking duper super much. Met Sara and Mic at cine I was late so when I reached they finished eating lunch. Haha they left me onion rings but I wanted Best Fries Forever so I said no. In the end I went with frolick cause they had grape :)

Micaela: -takes a mouth of her froyo- Hmm taste like yogurt. Oh wait it is hahahahaha.

And that silly girl eats frolick like 24/7!

Ohoh, Faith Cheong lent me her fisheye! Because I had a photography date this morning actually but that stupid boy ditched me hahahaha.

Yep so we headed to scape to wait for Shannon:)
She couldn't come at first but her tuition got cancelled so she joined us yaay! So we went to the rooftop to wait for her. So nice right ;) OMG GUIZ I CAN DO THE BEST SIDE SHUFFLE IN THE WORLD. (no I can't it's horrible.)

Yeah then Shannon reached and we started our shopping rampage!!! Bought so many things and we couldn't help but splurge splurge splurge. Omg shopping therapy is the best therapy in the world no kid. It's like omg I was really sad last night right but after shopping with my babes I feel sooooooooo much better. Hahahaha so halfway, Jade texted us and asked if she could join. DUH WE SAID YES. And Alison called and ask and DUH WE SAID YES! Day complete with two of them<3 Haha but the tomboiz celeste and claudia just didn't wanna come. Anyway, yep so Jade reached first and we started shopping but she didn't buy anything. She wore red shorts with green shorts cause she was feeling wacky hahaha qtpie. Haha yeah so after scape we went to 313's f21. Walked around then went to eat cold rock and waited for alison.

Jade: I think she's gonna wear shorts.

Everyone: I think she's gonna wear shorts too...

Alison appears in jeans.

HAHA EPIC SHIT.

Omg and we started talking and laughing and talking and laughing non-stop. I was freezing and laughing and wanting to pee omg can you imagine all of that combined... Oh yeah and I saw D and his friends. Haha I was like "Omg _____!" then everyone turned and shannon, mic and sara the 3 jokers went to run after him and stalk him. Dk why they're my friends either... Haha kid I love them so much<3

Below is a camwhore of us while waiting for Alison. Heh.

In conclusion today was like the best saturday in a very long time I love them all so much.

<3

I'm ok now. Not gonna wallow in self pity anymore. I'm ok. :)

I am so confused right now. It's like the reality of everything swimming in my brain and I feel nauseous even. It's like standing still but the whole world's spinning. I hate it. I hate how I love the people I can't love and do the things I can't do. I hate how I disappoint those who care. My life is fucked up. Everything sucks. I don't know what to feel anymore. There are so many things going wrong now.

We got back english, geog and lit today. Did alright for english but missed A by like 1 mark??? Got 25/30 for geog. I should be happy but I'm not. I don't know what happy is anymore. Yeah then I got back lit. Another disappointment like my physics. I know I'm gonna fail, I expected myself to fail badly. But it's like when you actually feel the weight of it, it hurts. It's like whatever you've worked hard for, down the drain. I don't disappoint my parents, they're like freaking supportive no matter what I get and I love them, I disappoint myself. I know how much effort I've put in, how much I bothered. But nothing blossoms into a flower. Non of the hard work you put in becomes something amazing in return. It just becomes a monster and bite you. Chewing at your stomach, allowing all the disappointment to flow through. Igniting every cell. Hurts so much.

In conclusion, my life sucks. Everything doesn't go well and I hurt so much.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow we have a match against SJC. The school we lost to during zonals, the school that caused us so much tears, so much hurt, so much regret. It's like right after the match, everything felt like it was crashing down. The passion dying, the love fading. It was such a depressing match, fighting from a 2-9 to a 23-24, losing the last 1 point at the last second. It was such a life changing second. It would have ease all the disappointments. The teacher's disappointment towards us, the team's disappointment, the disappoint we have in ourselves. Everything happens for a reason, they say. So what's the reason for losing that match? It certainly did not boost our morale, it did not build our passion. The only one thing it did, was hurt us. Even the strongest cried. We just huddled as one, and cried. But you know what, tomorrow we will come back stronger, and snnb will being the house down.

I'm gonna turn into a fatty mcdaddy already.

Spent like $20 bucks on food in 2 days.

Had pastamania with my netball babes at pastamania yesterday:)

Celebratory lunch hahaha.

And I had like large chawamushi and pineapple fried rice for recess.

Today I had $2 mee dry and baked potato and i stole claudia's pineapple tart omg.

Class was fun:)

Haha me and Claudia sat together cause Brenda had a china buddy.

Then she started texting random people and we spammed celeste teehee:)

Chinese was fun omg hahaha.

Everyone was joking around and valerie was so hilarious.

Mo Lao Shi was like "Lai larry lee ni hui da" then val was like "Wo de ming zi bu shi larry, shi valerie."

Then she started singing the song she wrote while mo lao shi was busy.

Haha and mls confiscated my book cause Shannon was reading it!:(

Oh yeah then after school me, sara, mic and nilow went to nex to eat wonton mee and sogurt!

Before that we had Nathan Rd bubbletea.

Yumz.

Yes now you know why I'm turning into a fattie.

Aight that's all:)

You know the feeling when you're in love?

The constant thought of the things he do to make you smile, replaying conversations in your head.

I like that feeling.

I love how my heart drops whenever you text me, whenever you say something nice, whenever you bother.

I love how my heart takes off on a high-speed chase for yours.

I love how it feels like to love and to be loved.

But another part of me tells me it's not gonna last.

I love you so much but then again I'm afraid of being let down again.

Will we pull through?

Had lit and geog cas on Thursday like right after national day break. Was so frustrated that nothing could go into my brain on wednesday night. Couldn't take it anymore so I decided to go to sleep and wake up at 4 to study instead.

And amazingly I managed to wahahaha!

But I still screwed the tests big time lah ugh.

Went home to study for physics but ended up procrastinating.

So at 10 I still haven't started properly studying and got so frustrated I cried again.

Hai I hate how much i cry it's like very annoying seriously.

But on the otherhand I am so thankful for those who bother to actually try to cheer you up aww<3

K but anyway I screwed physics so badly too.

Hee hee but friday was great!!!
Went to Watami for lunch and met b after that.

Wtf he came to find me with his group of friends fucking paiseh.

But anyway we went to novena to "study".

Then on the mrt he told me "Actually I never bring any books eh"

-facepalm-

So we went to the foodcourt and I did english while he told me stories.

Then sunny texted him to ask where he was and he said foodcourt and next thing we know we saw sunny and d.

-facepalm x 2-

The jokers went up the escalator, down the escalator and behind the escalator.

Damn awkward I swear.

Then they went away and came back and went away and came back and went away and bought sogurt and sat at the table behind us.

-facepalm x 3-

Then we went home at about 6 plus hahaha.

And I fell asleep at 11 like seriously who the hell sleeps at 11 on friday nights!!!

Stayed at mbs on tues haha had so much fun fun fun.

Love family time!!!

My aunties and uncles and cousins came over to see our room hahaha.

I didn't take much photos though the rest are with them.

Yay fireworksssss:)

Haha that looks like a friggin hotel lobby but no man that's our room.

<3

Haha the skypark was so crowded it was like some public pool(ok actually it is) but it was like literally flooded with people.

And I met jandy and jade at the skypark hahaha!

Had fun today:)

Celebration was alright.

So glad I didn't pon dance-a-thon was super epic.

From the ahlianzxc juniors to the entertaining teachers!!!

Omg I swear Sec 2 dance was damn good I love Alison and Jade lah they like my hero.

Cheryl Low dances sooooooo well too omg.

Yeah then we started singing Home and like just sway to the beat.

And we danced the family dance hahaha.

Went with April and Shannon to mug.

We walked from Marymount to Salted Caramel omg right.

Then when we went there the cute server was like "We open at 12"

-facepalm-

Haha me and micaela were spazzing over him in the morning.

He's her brother's friend wtf lucky bitch.

Yeah so we walked to scoopz and it was closed to so we walked to thomson plaza and like jay walked across omg scary shizz we were stucked in the middle of the road.

Ran to haato cause we couldn't take the heat.

Got rum and raisin yay i ish happy ger.

After finishing we went to kfc to start studying.

It was quite productive I did 2 chapters of physics.

Crammed it into two small page., which is the size of one side of foolscap paper.

Coolio banana right.

OMG GOING TO MBS TOMORROW.

JASMINE SHIRLENE JADE AND LIKE A FEW OTHERS ARE GOING TOO

SHAZAMZZZZZ.

Can't wait! Love time spent with family.<3

Omg so many mixed emotions do I or do I not ugh.

Overdue

There are so many photos in my camera which I've yet to post and so many memories I've yet to jot down.

K anyway photos of my mummy and daddy's and brothers' birthdays:)

30th May 2011

Daddy's birthday!

Also the day I got my braces kekeke.

31st July 2011

Hong Wei and Hong Xi's birthday:)

Those kiddos spent a bomb on their party.

From simple things like goodie bags and even their very very very overpriced novelty cake.

But it was damn good.

No seriously it's like the size of probably my head and it costs 200 bucks like what.

Haha my mom told my dad it was $50 cause she didn't want to get scolded.

Even my birthday cake was bigger and cheaper.

Ok but they had such a good time :)

Oh yeah they went to explorer kids at ehub or something.

The ball pit was very cool omg.

It was like transparent balls with led lights ish things.

4th August 2011

Mummy's birthday!:)

Went out for dinner yay:)

The boys fell asleep in the car.

Went to bathe cause I split coke on myself and was in my pjs when we cut the cake.

I love my parents so much ahaha they are so cute and still as loving as ever.

(can't get the size right though.)

Xoxo gossip girl yumz

K tonight I conclude the worst feeling in the world is feeling like you're not good enough.

Like there are so many people than you.

How they can be so perfect without even trying.

It's like I don't even want to try anymore.

Because I know I'll never be good enough.

No, no one's judging me, I'm just angry at myself for being who I am.

People say a pretty face isn't everything.

Yes it isn't everything but it is something.

And it sucks so bad to feel like you'll never be as pretty as you dream to be.

God-given gifts to people luckier than me.

K whatevs.

Just ranting.

Training was hardcore but very very productive today.

It's like the passion is finally back and we're back on track.

We ran for 20 mins indoors and I had a super terrible stich but haha was much better than 3km or 15+10+10.

Then we did drills and started playing game at 4.30

All the way til 5.50 and then Mr Yeo was like "Man Yun get them into groups of 3, we're gonna run suicides."
In that moment I swear everyone's jaw literally drop.

Heart attack like omg.

And he didn't even tell us how many we were gonna do.

So after running 2 we were like "Omg ok I think we're doing 2 only yay."
Then suddenly he went "Break, then continue."
Wtf.

I think it's cause we didn't do it within 30 secs.

Ughhhh.

But we ended at 6.15 and we just sat on the court and talked.

Me and Yuri laid on our backs and stared at the sky.

Such a lovely wednesday evening seriously.

It was like we just sat around with the wind grazing our cheeks and talked and laugh.

Best feeling in the world.

Went home had dinner then bathed.

MUMMY'S BIRTHDAY TOMORROW<3

Time doesn't fly, it teleports.

Teleports away in a split second, leaving behind only memories and feelings.

It's so sad how we fail to treasure the minute and only get hit by waves of nostalgia when we rewind the memories.

Live your life by the moment, carpe diem.